You know what? I feel sick lately. Not THAT kind of sick, come on... it makes me sick to see how we are treating each other. I mean wow. BYU plays Utah in a sport and all of the sudden everyone jumps at each others throats just because they have a preference for a different team? You disagree in the political world? Watch out for some not-so politically correct words to be thrown your way on Facebook by the kid you sat next to in 5th grade. It just makes me feel awful. Call me "cliche" or whatever, but you know what? The freaking beatles were right. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. I just really wish we could be nicer to each other. Sheesh. Life is already hard, why are we making it harder by being mean? Don't get me wrong.. I am not perfect. At all. But I am trying to change, I am trying to see the good in people. I WANT to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think that is a good place to start.
Sorry I had to get that little rant out of the way. On the bright side, surgery was very successful!! The operation (to remove the cancerous tumor) went just about as good as it could have gone. I had surgery Monday morning, and was sent home on Wednesday morning (due to good behavior;). I have been laying down, recovering ever since! I am not exaggerating. I literally lay around all day. I might have lost my mind by now, if my super awesome girlfriend Jessy didn't visit me. For some reason she doesn't mind sitting on the couch with me for hours on end. What a doll.
Yeah, I am dating someone now. Don't act so surprised! Give me a little more credit. Ha! I have known Jessy since 7th grade, and couldn't be happier that we are dating. I can't tell you how grateful I am for her! She has seen it all. A wide range of physical and emotional pain. She has been there for me way before we started dating. Few people know me quite like she does, and I don't know if anyone has seen me at my lowest points like she has. Anyway, I could write about her forever. I am just glad that 9 years ago I had the guts to talk to her on the stage at OJH. (Is this cheesy enough for you jessy?) :)
As of now I am "N.E.D" which stands for "no evidence of disease". I am not technically cancer free until there is no evidence for five years. But I will take it for now!! I am going to UVU next semester, and looking to live life as fully as I can. You don't have to be on your deathbed to take life by the horns. You really do have to live every day like you are dying.
I noticed something interesting!! Talking to people about cancer was weird, unless it was someone who also had cancer. You can totally relate to each other on such a higher level because they understand what you are going through. I was so grateful to have conversations with fellow cancer-warriors, it was just relieving! I longed for those rare talks because it didn't happen very often. Finally it hit me, God knows. *Here I am crying while I type this* but really. He knows. I was able to go to the Forgotten Carols last week (shoutout to the Russell family for taking me) and I had a very spiritual experience. If you have ever been, you know that at the end Michael McLean has everyone sing a song together, but he also asks people to think about specific things. He asked us to picture Jesus Christ. In that moment, I was just overcome. I had flashes of my worst days in the hospital. Writhing in pain at my house, screaming at the wall because I didn't think I could do another day (that was only after 4 chemo treatments). Then I saw all of those times, and Jesus was literally there. I saw Him next to my bed. Standing in my room. When I cried? He cried. When I couldn't move without throwing up, he was sitting next to me patting me on the back. God knows. He is the one person that can always relate to you.
We all have trials but it is my belief that we "can-cer vive" anything that life tries to throw at us. Just remember that life is whatever we make it. I choose to make it good, cancer (free) and all.
