Finally... some answers!!I have been dying to figure all of the details out... (I really should stop using these dying puns). It has been a frustrating two weeks, but they called us with the final results!!
This soccer ball tumor of death inside of me is called "Synovial Sarcoma". They thought it was "Ewings/PNET Sarcoma" for a while, but they were wrong! Good thing they do tests and stuff. Haha! This means I will be starting my chemotherapy on Tuesday! Ready or not, here I come. I will have chemo four days a week. Four hours a day. Sheesh! Luckily, that week from hell will only be every three weeks.
OH but get this. I will be getting a "picc line" (I had no idea what that was before either so don't feel bad about taking a second to google it)!! In stead of hooking me up through the veins in my arm every time I go in for chemo, they will surgically put this thing in my chest that will stay in there throughout my chemo experience. That way they can basically plug me in without too much hassle! I have no idea what its gonna look like, but I am crossing my fingers hoping it will end up looking like Iron Man... ;)
Want to know something awkward? When I meet new people I don't know what to tell them. It begins with casual conversation of course and they ALWAYS ask about school and work. When they hear that I don't have plans for either in the near future they totally think I am a bum. Which would be fine, but they keep asking me "But why?!". I never know if its appropriate to drop the cancer bomb on them. For instance, I was with my friend at her families Easter dinner. I did happen to be on pain killers (which is apparently quite entertaining), and people started talking to me. They asked me what I was doing with my life and I immediately shouted to everyone, "I have cancer!". Oh boy.
I don't mind talking about it! In fact I love talking about it. It is almost therapeutic for me. Sometimes it can be awkward for other people. When I finally drop the 'c' word, it is funny to see their reactions. I can't really blame them because there isn't a whole lot to say? Mainly they are in shock.. then disbelief.. then really apologetic. They keep saying sorry, and I am like.. don't worry I highly doubt this is your fault. And if it is... I wouldn't tell my mom. She might kill you.
Let me tell you about this problem I have lately. It isn't healthy. I will hear people complain about their trials, and I immediately compare them to my trials. In my head I would think, "Are you kidding me? That is nothing! I have cancer!!". Yeah I know I am a horrible person, and shouldn't do it. But hey it came naturally! I was thinking about that a lot. I realized how prideful it was for me to think that way. Then something hit me... I really don't have it THAT bad! There is someone out there that could hear my problem and think the same thing that I was thinking!!!! And guess what? I know for a fact that nobody can top the trials that Jesus Christ went through. So even though we may be tempted to mope around because we have it so much worse than everyone else... we actually don't. If you take a second to look at your life, you will realize that things are awesome!!
Don't get me wrong, I believe in being sad for a night every once in a while. Put on some depressing music, eat some ice cream, watch fault in our starts, etc. Be sad for a night. I think it is healthy!! But 95% of the time? Buck up. Life is incredible. :)
We all have trials but it is my belief that we "can-cer vive" anything that life tries to throw at us. Just remember that life is whatever we make it. I choose to make it good, cancer and all.
I'll shave my head! Good luck and God bless!
ReplyDeleteLove your positive attitude! We are praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the uplifting message. Good luck this week... you're in our thoughts and prayers! :)
ReplyDeleteHey there from Courtney's mom! Love your positivity! With your positive attitude, a whole lot of faith and prayer, oh and some help from the awesome medical world... You're gonna beat the crap out of this! Prayers from Mesa, AZ!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support. I appreciate it!! :)
ReplyDeleteSean, I'm Thom's mom. Like many have said before, I was shocked to hear you have cancer. Man, life can throw us some pretty quirky stuff! I hope I don't sound too preachy....but them maybe it's okay to share some of my own most valuable insights. In my darkest moments, when my pain is very noticeable, when the fear, anguish, and worry become more than I want or need, I go to the Garden of Gethsemane. This is kinda hard to explain so I pray the Spirit will help you understand.
ReplyDeleteIn the Garden, I try to visualize all the suffering Christ went through for me...that's a lot of pain and suffering, and He did it for me personally, and you personally. Since He suffered for me, I can suffer this 'little' bit for Him. I can use my pain to understand and appreciate His atonement better, and I can use these sacred moments to feel His love for me even deeper.
HUGS, and prayers for you, your family, and the doctors.
Hey Sean, I heard about your "bump in the road". What a positive attitude you have, you will overcome and beat this ugly disease. I remember teasing you about BYU when you were at Orem Jr. You were a great kid, student and leader. What an example you are to others. Best of luck to you, thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Story...Orem Jr.High
Hey Sean-- When you were about 4 you came to our house. Tyler our son had a baseball game and so of course you came with us. Tyler was a little stressed that we would not get there in time for him to warm up. (T ball) well after it was all over and done I remember you saying " huh is that all this was?" I hope one day you will be able to say " huh was that all this was?" This is definitely a biggie, but I agree with you that there are tonz of people out there that have bigger problems! And you will probably have bigger things come your way also. You are a great son of our Heavenly Father and he loves you. That is something not everyone knows! You have that knowledge so you are one up on alot of people. We are praying for you and this little "huh" moment!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. I love the way you keep humor in your posts. It is always better to laugh than to cry. I also agree with you about thinking sometimes people do not know how great they have it but at the same time I can always always find someone that is worse off than me. Hang in there and make sure you take your nausea med when and how they tell you to. The only time my husband actually visited the porcelain thrown was when he didn't fallow the recommendations. That even means having someone give you the meds during the night or just before you are ready to wake up. I promise it will help. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you (Bryson Davies is my cousin, so I heard about you via him) but I am sitting here bawling at your story! Not because I am sad for you, or scared for your journey. But because I am incredibly inspired by you and your optimism and outlook on all of this. For you to be able to look at your trial and still say "someone has it worse than me" is amazing. Thanks for the uplifting thoughts for the day - good luck as you begin this new adventure of life!!
ReplyDeleteHey! Thanks for writing! It really hits home when you say people sometimes think you're a bum. I came off my mission a little over a year ago with a litany of symptoms and I still don't work or go to school. Without largely physical symptoms, people have a hard time understanding what really goes on inside my body. I appreciate the blog and the frankness with which you discuss your trial. That takes a lot of courage. Good luck with everything and thanks for making me smile.
ReplyDeleteRockford